What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
