I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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