I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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