anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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