question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
