I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
