walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
