Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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