Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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