Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
