One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
