I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
