So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
accomplished twins. life is a go
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
