Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize