so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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