Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
