I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
