Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
