im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize