When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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