I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
