dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
