Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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