so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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