Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
