Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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