Umm I'm too high to move.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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