He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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