I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
