I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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