I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
