You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
