Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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