I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
