i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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