also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
