There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
