i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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