my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
