I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
