i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
