Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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