Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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