i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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