How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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