omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
