Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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