He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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