i permit you to call me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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