my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
