it hurts more in the daytime
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
