He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
