She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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