Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
