apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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