Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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