Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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