More tranny stories later!
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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