Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
