I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize