i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
