five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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