ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
