no, he came in my armpit
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
