Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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