No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just cut my nipple shaving
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
