I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
