He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
