I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
