its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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