eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He passed out mid-signature
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
