Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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