Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
