I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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