i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
