Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
