This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
