Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
