never play flip cup with pint glasses
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
