I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
