Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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