Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
