all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
