and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
