I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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