At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
