If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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