i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
