omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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