Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
