this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize