I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
