I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The feeling are messing with the penis
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
