i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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