His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
