Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize