I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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