So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
