dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
