I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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