She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
