Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
